By Victor Ruth
Psychological Abuse.
Gifts, sweet words, endearments, money, sex, orgasm, etc., will never replace a sincere apology and show of remorse.
Husband and wife relationship.
You have offended your wife.
She is trying to talk about it.
She wants to express her displeasure. She is asking for audience so that she can speak her mind.
You are shutting her up. You are undermining and discounting her feelings. You are making fun of her hurt and emotional state.
Or you are using faux anger to bully her and shut her up.
You don’t want to talk about it. You don’t want to listen to her.
You just want her to wipe it off.
She is forced to bottle up her hurt.
Then you suddenly appear with gifts or an offer for shopping.
The issue hasn’t been addressed.
Somehow you want to use your gifts to erase what has happened.
No sir. That is psychological abuse.
Outside being abusive, it is a huge disrespect to your wife.
You just told her that her feelings are irrelevant. That they don’t matter.
I would be worried if I were you.
You are losing that woman. Even if she is such that has placed less value on herself and values gifts above her mental health, it still doesn’t mean you are safe.
I know most of you people in relationships don’t understand the extent that abuse operates.
A gift is not an apology.
How to apologise.
Ask her to talk to you about how she feels.
Listen to her without interruption. Tell her that her feelings are valid. Tell her that she is right to feel hurt. Then tell her that you are sorry for her hurt.
Ask her if there is anything you can do to ease her pain.
Ask her if she needs some time to calm down.
After she has calmed down, call her and explain to her about anything you feel she misunderstood.
I said explain, not argue. Also let her know that your explanation doesn’t invalidate your apology. That you just want her to have the clear perspective of things.
If you have any gift, this is the moment to offer it to her.
Gifts should be given in addition to the apology, not in place of an apology.
I trust you to read this and learn.
